


Hiatus

by aquwa



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, College, Gen, Nostalgia, implied depression, there's lots of sadness and flashbacks, time has passed basically and kasumi's in college now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 09:39:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17098172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquwa/pseuds/aquwa
Summary: Would this moment have been easier if they'd said Poppin' Party was over?





	Hiatus

**Author's Note:**

> From CiRCLING, by Poppin' Party:
> 
> One place, one path  
> One love, just one dream that we chose (Festa day)  
> Many people are here (Special day)  
> Gathered as if they were brought together  
> (This kind of day) Can I wish for it to come?  
> "Forever lasting friends!"

Something was wrong with Random Star. Or at least, that's what Kasumi wanted to tell herself.  
  
Gently, she placed the guitar against the wall. She could still hear the sound, feel the sound, as if it was vibrating in the air, throbbing like some dissonant heartbeat. It wasn't the sound she wanted to hear.  
  
She slumped against the wall, coming to sit on the hard, wood-paneled floor. It had been a few months since the band said they'd go on hiatus, and a little over a month since their last live.  
  
"We'll go on a hiatus!" Tae had said, with the usual, calm smile on her face. But the words came out choppy, choked out as a last resort.  
  
Everyone had accepted it at the time, so that they could move forward and plan their next live before everyone went off to college.  
  
But no one knew what it meant. The moment Tae said the word, Arisa had ran up the steps, pigtails flying behind her.

Kasumi looked up at the ceiling of the practice room she was in. She could almost still hear Arisa's stressed footsteps above, pacing back and forth, pounding out the confusion of whatever a "hiatus" was supposed to mean.  
  
They didn't want to be like Afterglow, stopping all band activities and quitting music altogether so they could make peace with the band and their future. But they weren't like Roselia or Pastel*Palettes either, staying in the band as a career path. And who knew what Kokoro had in plan for Hello, Happy World?  
  
So it was a hiatus. They wouldn't quit their band status, wouldn't quit making music, but wouldn't practice with each other actively anymore. Their last live wasn't a final one, but they waved goodbye to the audience and cried in a circle anyways.  
  
Would this moment have been easier if they'd said Poppin' Party was over?  
  
Kasumi examined her fingers, raw and reddened by the hours of playing music. She had broken all her picks in frustration. Her wrists ached, and her head was stuffy and clouded from all that nonstop noise.  
  
From across the room, her sheet music laughed at her.  
  
"A music major that can't play music! A music major that can't play music!" they beckoned.  
  
She closed her eyes, feeling warm, wet tears sink down her cheeks. Kasumi didn't want to admit it, but music just didn't feel the same anymore. Certainly, her technique was good-- she had been working on that for three years.  
  
But when she strummed the guitar, it was soundless. Nothing but brokenhearted, loveless chords that took her back to before her first year of high school.  
  
Behind closed eyes, she saw it again. Showing up to countless club meetings, getting kicked from some, and leaving others. Her parents paid for so many silly activities, and tried taking her to so many events. Something, anything to get their precious daughter out of the house and into the world.  
  
Nothing stuck. No moment was as happy as that day under the stars with Asuka...  
  
Kasumi squeezed her eyes tighter, chest heaving as she cried. She grabbed the Random Star off the wall, clutching it close to her chest now.  
  
She envisioned it again.  
  
_"Sis! Sis, the stars!"_  
  
Could she feel it? Could she feel it now?  
  
_Glittering above her like thousands of diamonds laid out just for her._  
  
She felt nothing.  
  
For years, she thought there was nothing like it. Nothing would ever beat that sacred moment with her sister.  
  
She couldn't even describe it, aside from "star beat.." It was like she felt an existence larger than herself, but at the same time Kasumi believed she was the only girl in the world. The moment sung of belonging. Love pumped through its veins. Having a special, irreplaceable moment like that... she didn't think it was possible to happen again.  
  
Of course, she was wrong. It did happen again, with PoPiPa.  
  
But looking at her in the darkness of the college practice room, you'd think Kasumi had went her entire life without it.  
  
Maybe she was foolish to think she could keep up the guitar without them. Maybe it was stupid to think she'd feel anything but pain when she held a guitar without Poppin' Party by her side. But she was hopeful as she applied to music school after music school, encouraged by her friends and family to keep doing music.  
  
It wasn't the same, she decided.  
  
Was it really lyrics, if Saaya wasn't there to tell her "sparkly-heart-poundy" weren't acceptable for the chorus?  
  
Was it really a song, if Rimi wasn't there to ask if a certain phrase sounded okay?  
  
Was it really practice, if Tae hadn't interrupted to talk about her bunnies for the third time?  
  
Was it really a live, if she couldn't yell to Arisa before her solo in _Star Beat_?  
  
So there she sat, crumpled into a crying heap as the sun set on a day of practice.  
  
She tried to feel it. She tried to recreate the star beat for herself, in her mind, over and over again. Beating each memory into her exhausted brain like dough, praying that she could ooze a little bit of love, a little bit of passion out of those past moments.  
  
Her heartbeat had no sparkles, and it pounded as dully as ever. Each beat thudded in her chest, resounding in her whole body as a failure, a failure to rekindle what she once loved.  
  
Did she love the guitar, or did she just love her friends? Was she a fake musician all this time?  
  
The questions ate at her, clawing at every shred of thought she had. She knew she loved to play guitar, so why... why couldn't she feel anything without them?  
  
She thought of the moment at their last live, with mics turned off. They stood in a circle, hands locked with the girl next to them. They were sweaty, with salty tears all over their faces, and the lights burned hot and heavy above them.  
  
"This won't be the last time!" she had whispered, voice hoarse through the tears, "We'll have this moment again!"  
  
She didn't know if it was true... but could she bear to not have that again? It was a star beat that all five of them had felt, hearts connected by something more than the five of them could understand.  
  
In her mind, she felt Tae and Rimi's soft, warm hands intertwined with her own.  
  
But when Kasumi opened her eyes, all that was there were the cold frets of her guitar.


End file.
